It’s strange that’s 98% of the parents of teens say that they love their children dearly, but 98% of the teens feel that their parents don’t love them.
It is obviously not true that their parents don’t love them; it’s because the children don’t feel loved.
Yes ‘FEEL’. Understanding the feelings is the key. It’s not how much you worried for them or, sacrificed for them or what you said to them matters. What matters is how you made them feel.
All, the child needs, is a listening ear and an empathic response. But disappointingly empathy is something that doesn’t flow effortlessly through us. It’s not in our mother tongue and then, there is where the differences start to establish and get a firm hold.
Instead of empathy, when the child receives a denial of feelings, counter questions, advice or even philosophical responses, (Well! Life is like that) the matters get worse. The child feels Betrayed. He can be more Confused, Enraged or even be less capable to cope up with his feelings. To add to this, the constant Nagging and advice to protect the children from lives mundane challenges.
Surely, We all can relate to some of the examples below!!
Well, after all, how could a parent let his/her child make mistakes and suffer the failure? when all, the child, has to do is just listen to the parent first.
For you, it just might be a Help or Care to your child, but it actually imbibes in the child, a feeling of Resentment, Frustration, Anger and sometimes, Worthlessness too.
Why can’t we just let the children be as they are and let them learn through their own experiences?
- We could Express our anger or disapproval, without insulting or attacking the child’s character.
- We could love without conditions of high-grade marks or that gold medal at the competition.
- We could model the behavior we would like to see in our children.
After all, as they say, ‘What you tell your children, only speaks to them, but, what you do, screams to them.’ Remember, the child will follow your example and not your advice.
So, be consistent, firm and yet loving!